E Ala e

Ka La at Ka'a'awa, Northshore of O'ahu, Hawaii the island of my birth

E ala e awakening from the woods "where the gooseberry bushes grow",  where we live today 

A third set of teeth: living long enough to have them!

I write myths, fairy tales to some, medicine stories to others. With the time between conceiving this place called HO'OMOKU, and birthing the place for the public community, there is hesitation and questioning. Benjamin Renner, Director and co-creator of the wonderful animated film "Ernest and Celestine" described the process he went through to create the unique watercolor animation and adaptation of a beloved French children's tale. Paragraphing him, Renner said it was not so much he lacked confidence with the undertaking, it was a matter of questioning, constantly questioning whether the process was 'just right.' When I am at work making something up, I will be at precisely that place Renner speaks of. It helps me to listen and watch the BONUS Features often included in the movies Pete and I borrow from our public library. Through the eyes and words of artists involved in creating a film I have enjoyed I get a feel for the creative process. Involvement of many people give me a sense of what I might attempt on my own, in my isolated hole in the woods. Waiting for the moment when an opportunity to engage others for support might expand the work.

When I began writing the medicine story "The Safety Pin Cafe" it was a self-medicating process. I was being given directions for a unique medication. The doses of story were the prescription, and the words and journey were the application of faith. Or as I wrote here when The Safety Pin Cafe grew into a second story, "The Joy Weed Journal" an intimate behind the scenes story of the main character introduced in The Cafe, the roots of my Hawaiian culture were growing out of fertile ground. More was coming. Something wonderful (to me) was reaching for the light.

"Woven throughout this medicine story will be the words and sensibilities of the Hawaiian culture; they are in the root of me and flavor all the art. As we unfurl the magic and myth within this medicine (story) the culture of an ancient Earth people will give us potential tools to navigate life today. The gift offered here is given in the spirit of interconnectedness.
HO'OKAMAHA'O"To be or do something wonderful; to take a new and more splendid form"
HO'OKA'AU" Witty, clever, entertaining, humorous; to pass the time pleasantly' entertaining time"
--Hawaiian Dictionary, Pukui and Ebert
With that spirit in mind and heart let's enjoy ourselves!!

There is an almost invisible border a writer maintains as she works with the elements that make story. At the same time the need for quiet and room for imagining allow for a well-simmered tale, real life clambers to fed, walked, or washed. With the added dimension of an unpredictable illness the borders are permeable, not permanent nor unchanging. At a snap the safe border is invaded. Fighting will work for a while. Steeling against the intrusion works for a time. But mostly, real life and the medicine of myth in my world connect. It must be that high tolerance for ambiguity indigenous cultures love that makes the perfect soup of story.

Today is one of those days when the illness and the symptoms must be attended to. My body is under seige. Pollens plus a season chore that needed doing has tipped the scale of balancing the border. What I found for a dose of 'medication' was a conversation and thread for people (like me) who live with environmental illness, MCS. The conversation was about what to do when you have fewer teeth. MCS challenges a person to deal with contemporary solutions as 'not likely.' In other words, many of us with this illness cannot tolerate mainstream dentists or dentistry. A reply in the conversation went something like this:

" What was the creator doing when she only allowed humans two sets of teeth?"

My reply to the conversation was "Exactly...! I wrote a mythic tale about a very special character (who lives a long time) and does that ... grows a third set of teeth. Sometimes, myth is the only way to make it through life that seems impossible. I am dealing (inelegantly so often:) with the reality of fewer teeth, and just as little money to continue work with a EcoDentist. A great practitioner, if, you can afford it. I am a storyteller who loves to smile, laugh and ... tell stories. With fewer teeth the stories are different!

If anyone is interested ... the mythic tale and the bit about MAX, the red-haired one who grows a third set of teeth is here."

Ole Po (the 'ole phases of Mahina)

'ole. "not, without, lacking; to deny; zero; nothingness. 

- Hawaiian Dictionary, Pukui & Elbert

I woke from sleep with a feeling of confinement, not enough oxygen. Climbing from the futon, and onto the porch I could see the tree-filtered light of the moon. Her shape? I wasn't sure. Pete was already up, using his cellphone as a flashlight in the mostly dark forest. 

We fumbled around in the very early morning darkness looking for a place to spot Mahina -- to know the shape by seeing it. We guessed at the shape, impatient for information. 

"Let's jump in the car and find her?" That sense of confinement sought resolution. 

Pete was barely awake, but convinced.

"I'll get some clothes on," I said.

"Good idea."

So off we went, climbing into the Subaru being quiet with the doors, trying not to wake Miles (our neighbors' dog). It didn't take much to see Mahina. At the end of the road that leads to the main highway see was bright in the southeastern sky. Not yet a half-half illumination, still a curve to her process of becoming smaller. She was between. 

Barry Lopez has written words, expressed thoughts that open me when I have gotten into a corner far too tight. One of my favorite Barry Lopez articles is "The Naturalist" and appears in Orion Magazine, where he wrote: [...]"IN CONTEMPORARY native villages, one might posit today that all people actively engaged in the land — hunting, fishing, gathering, traveling, camping — are naturalists, and say that some are better than others according to their gifts of observation. Native peoples differ here, however, from the Gilbert Whites, the Darwins, the Leopolds, and the Rachel Carsons in that accumulating and maintaining this sort of information is neither avocation nor profession. It is more comparable to religious activity, behavior steeped in tradition and considered essential for the maintenance of good living. It is a moral and an inculcated stance, a way of being. While White and others, by contrast, were searching for a way back in to nature, native peoples (down to the present in some instances), for what-ever reason, have been at pains not to leave. The distinction is important because “looking for a way back in” is a striking characteristic of the modern naturalist’s frame of mind. [...]One of the reasons native people still living in some sort of close, daily association with their ancestral lands are so fascinating to those who arrive from the rural, urban, and suburban districts of civilization is because they are so possessed of authority. They radiate the authority of firsthand encounters. They are storehouses of it. They have not read about it, they have not compiled notebooks and assembled documentary photographs. It is so important that they remember it. When you ask them for specifics, the depth of what they can offer is scary. It’s scary because it’s not tidy, it doesn’t lend itself to summation. By the very way that they say that they know, they suggest they are still learning something that cannot, in the end, be known."

The reality is: I am a native woman, living in a contemporary world with roots that know "the depths" of kupuna wisdom cannot be easily summarized. I know that I will attempt it, write about it, and wake with the feeling of confinement because there is so much.

The mystery is the mystery, and Mahina is not to be scrutinized, she is to be lived with. Noticing and observation is important; it is the starting point. But the point is to be with and to become the 'thing'. As hula kumu Kekuhi and Kaumakaiwa Kanaka'ole said of hula, when we dance (about) the sun, or the lehua we are the sun, we are the lehua.

I'm between and for the moment, that is the truth.

Nana i ke kumu (Look to the source) ... Check out Ho'omoku's sidebar!

The sidebar to the right fills with richness. As I search, and learn, I put what I find where it can be found again. (I am an old woman who needs a blog to act as my POST-IT notes).

Maybe, there is a bit of ant nature in me. If you click here you will be rewarded! The traditional story of The Bear and Ant told, illustrated, and translated is part of the abundance found at the Tulalip Lushootseed Language website. As this place grows, there is much work to be done, night and day, night and day. At some point I may be courageous enough to download and apply language keyboards that will allow me to print the fonts that go with the languages of both Lushootseed and 'Olelo Hawaii.

In the meantime, as you explore this blog and site, there are many things to learn, listen to, watch, and consider. With practice, the floating ideas find a place to play with your internals. Nana i ke kumu, and enjoy the discoveries. I'm tweaking the look of things here, as people give me feedback on the readability of fonts and colors. 

Have a question? Email me. We could start a conversation.

Ulu, the tightrope and dream tattoos

ulu. 1. to grow, increase, spread; grove, growth, collection, flock; an increase or rising of the wind - Pukui & Elbert

 "You certainly seem to be walking that fine line between fear and desire. Yet your fear, in some ways, seems the larger of the two, as you contemplate all that could potentially go wrong. Yet that’s not really an issue, though if it is, ask yourself whether you’re using your power correctly. Consider carefully, and if the answer is yes, then move on. What really may be the thing making you nervous is the passion you’re feeling for someone, or that they feel for you. In that way, intense desire can come across as fear, though I would ask: fear of what? Aaah well, fear of the only thing that seems to get anyone’s attention, which is the potential for change. Change in this scenario means experiencing actual feelings, and meeting someone who has the potential to match or even exceed your energy[...] - Eric Francis, Planet Waves Scorpio, May, 2015"

Yesterday the energy of the Scorpio Full Moon still pulsed. The long night's sleep the night just past had fueled us both. We turned out the lights, shut down the computer, and tucked ourselves under the covers and left "the" time behind. Mahina the Fattening One was yet to rise from the Eastern horizon and Ka La the brilliant star of light had yet to fall below the horizon in the West. We were cradled in the sublime between ma waena in the middle or at the tail end of day, and the start of night. Funny how we count, and measure, funny how we account for our progress.

The astrology described above, written by Eric Francis is something I enjoy reading once a month, thanks to Julie Genser at Planet Thrive. Thanks to Julie, some of the most difficult and fearful times we faced during the onset of MCS were calmed through the cyber-connections (safety nets) strung by Julie's community. As Pete and I have refashioned our lives, rooting in the glacial silt of this island in the Salish Sea, my connection with Planet Thrive has changed. My interactions are infrequent, but, I appreciate monthly check-ins with Francis' view of the astrology for the month.

I glean a little or a lot from the broad view for Scorpio in May (as Saturn moves closer to a retrograde in Scorpio for the summer and fall). Reading the first lines "fine line ... between fear and desire" fits my current emotions. While my daytime emotional thermometer might appear calm, inside, the volcano rumbles. It's very good for me to have the rich dream world that rubs at the seemingly solid (Capricorn conservative, secretive Moon). While we slept in that ma waena place, the dream tattoos artists were ready to lay their designs on me.

I am filling the shelves of the kitchen pantry. Large cans (that's dating me, and the period piece dream) of HAWAIIAN PUNCH as far as I can reach, and further still, line the shelves. I think to myself, "Wow, Hawaiian Punch. All varieties of the sweet and unlikely sugar water drink." Next to them large cans of pork 'n beans. Again, I laugh at the choices in the cupboard. What really struck me though was the smell that permeated me and the dreams. The smell: unique and specific to the kitchen cupboard of my mother's Kuli'ou'ou kitchen. To analyze and dissect the combination? Not possible, not necessary. Smell memory dreams are not usual for me. The final image before I work that night of ma waena time dream was a stack of Haleiwa Brand poi in bags.

What? I go through the process of ho'oulu stirred and inspired by the dream that came with visual and olfactory symbolism. 'Aue! Ma is telling me something. In the shower this dialogue starts up with myself (it was really my brother David coming through, loud, clear and in heavy pidgin!).

"Eh, you making island (ho'omoku)?" 
"Yeh, why buddah you?"
"No. You know how?"
"Yeh. I know how."
"You goin?"
"Yeh, I goin'."
"You sureh?"
"Yeh."
"Okay den."

My ahu (altar) of pictures of my mother, dad, brother, son, cousins and us (Pete and me) fill the top shelf of the book shelf and dangle from safety pins. They are in that Hale Au'au (bath house). In that space where we wash ourselves, the dishes, and our clothes my family's 'ike is alive and their voices are unadjusted. Pidgin reigns and by the time I have stepped out and under the heat lamp, grabbed my towel and start to dry myself off I am crackin' up from the conversation.

The island I am building, this place, whose blog I fill with cyber-words come from the inspiration that is both excited and desirous. I wish to share and be inspired by others. But. Those others might "match or even exceed your energy"; that frightens me. As I write I am reminded of what Kalei Nu'uhiwa said in her presentation at the 'Aha Wahine Conference about the heat that is generated when a lot of people with mana gather in one place. It makes people uncomfortable! There is chaos. There is also the potential for something yet to be.

An image of spider webs presents us with the organized or chaotic ways in which we (or spiders) engage with life. Nu'uhiwa also suggests in that same presentation that we wahine (women) remember the trials and journey of the Pele and Hi'iaka myths. Sent on a great adventure, Hi'iaka meets challenge after challenge. Personal journeying. Tightrope walking. Mo'o battling. Balancing precipice. Hi'iaka has long been an akua who has inspired my journeys. So too do the spiders inspire me. I see them readying themselves for take-off.

Keiki prepare for launch!

Ulu means to grow, increase, spread. The inspiration to build a space, a place, a halau (long house as for canoes or hula instruction) grows with each step, tentative sometimes, yet at such a deeply knowing place within. The humor and pidgin rich dialogue that comes out of my mouth in the hale au'au is the stuff that tattoos me on the inside where I must look with confidence. This looking inward changes my perspective, because, then, I am not counting on the approval of others who may, or may not, be inspired or tattooed by the same dreams.

Hawaiian Punch in large cans. 'Aue. Thank you Ma for your kitchen cupboard. And Dad and David, your humor, geez nothing like it.

Bending, but not bending the truth

An example of Kilo (observation) Kuleana (personal responsibility)

My Ancestors were keen observers. Kilo practitioner and ethno-scientist Kalei Nu'uhiwa answers Three Common Questions About Kaulana Mahina on her website. She answers the question, "Where does the term Kaulana Mahina comes from?" by citing three scholars' definitions, including Pukui and Elbert (Hawaiian Dictionary),Zepelino Keauokamalie and Joseph M. Poepoe. Her conclusion:

"Therefore Kaulana Mahina is a traditional Hawaiian science that employed the methodology of keen observation, hypothesis, and trial and error, noting conclusions and then organizing time by the traditional environmental experts called kahuna."

Hawaiian Star Chart for Makali'i

According to Kaulana Mahina, the moon is in Akua,  A good time for fishing and planting the staple crops (kala, 'uala, mai'a). Akua is one of the phases of the moon's cycle when many Kanaka, including myself, take time to give thanks to the Akua, the elemental forces of Nature, the parts of the mystery that I have no control over ... but, am part of. The wealth and abundance corner in our vardo dangles with an old and favorite pillow case that I have re-used, stitched into a 'Penny Pouch' to catch a penny a day, in a dance of thanksgiving and staying in the flow. This morning soon after waking I pulled a penny and did my simple ritual. Recalling it now, I think to add my appreciation to the Akua. Mahalo! Mahina is fattening, coming into her fullness in the sky occupied by the constellation Scorpio. Over the years of maturing my practice with observation, an apprenticeship in astrology is important in my hypothesizing. I learn from a skilled and more practiced teacher. Come Sunday she will be in Scorpio. My astrologer says, "The tension is so thick, you can cut it with a knife.. We have a full moon in Scorpio...it's intense! When I see people snapping like twigs, it reminds me what? to BEND! Bend so I don't brak. And when I see people holding on till their dying breath, to something obviously dead, rotting and poisonous to them, it reminds me to let go."

She also prepares her readers for the long-stay of the planet Mercury in the sign of Gemini. The planet assigned the characteristics of communications (swift messenger) will retrograde May 19th through June 12th, and then STAY in Gemini until the middle of July. I left a comment on that post:

"For me: 5th House for the long Mercury stay. The play house, creative projects and babies. Elizabeth Rose Campbell in her book Intuitive Astrology says of the 5th House, "Be it and, therefore, birth it." This advice you[Elsa] give: "This should be mostly positive, since planets function well in their home sign. However, minds and mouths will move swiftly. Some will figure it's more important that conversation be interesting, then it be true." 

 I feel the tension of the Scorpio Full Moon, it adds to the tension of managing and accepting the limitations of life with pollen, restrictions that are real yet not impossible (unless I break from the pressures). Astrology gives me the keen observations of my place in relation to the bigness of the multi-verse. The energy of planets, asteriods, sun and moon play or battle with my will. My kuleana is different from will-power. When I remember "kuleana" defined as my Ancestors lay meaning, it means, "right, title, property, portion, responsibility, jurisdiction, authority, interest, claim, ownership; reason, cause, function, justification; small piece of property, as within an ahupua'a; blood relative through whom a relationship to less close relatives is traced." - Pukui & Elbert

The process is often so much longer than the immediate solution or quick fix. I engage in process, and ask for help when I get wound up in my journey, forgetting there is more to life than getting it right. There is a lot of trial and error. Bend, let go. Bend, but not the truth. It all adds up to drawing down the knowledge from above, and making it a living practice. Integrated. Internalized. Lived. Okay. Break time.